ok.
so i know i haven't told you guys what happened yet.
today...why i was mad. and hating myself.
it's actually quite simple.
i feel like a failure. i am a failure.
at life. at school. everything.
why do i feel that way...?
you all know i had my finals today...
and the one i needed to do good on...
well...it didn't go so well. =.=
yes. my math one.
i pretty much failed it...
and i thought 80-85% of it was really easy. XD WTE.
and i know i should've studied more.
but everything is so distracting. i know you guys don't mean to.
but everyone is a distraction to me. from school. from things i should be doing.
and i feel like a failure. because everytime i tell myself i need to work harder
i do for a little while. and completely forget about it or ignore it because of either
forums, dramas, XING/FT ISLAND/SUJU/TVXQ/ETC.
and now i'm stuck back in my hole again. and i don't know how to get out anymore.
yea i know i sound emo. i am EMO right now. =.=
for the 1000000000000000000000000000th time. i've failed at what i wanted to succeed in due to my laziness. stupidity. ignorance. whatever you want to call it.
and now i'm going to go eat my dinner. that's pretty much all.

oh...
and that stupid elfing MSN VIRUS
pisses me off.
because viruses are retarded and just mean.
what's the freaking purpose of it!? XD
and i hate how it sent to my friends...now some of them have it too. T_T

and why does my freaking windows manager things like my documents,my computer
always freeze when i'm trying to transfer things to my portable disk drive?!!?
i need it to work so that if my comp dies again...i'll still have my files.

wte. today is just not a good day.
but kevin made me happier. ^^ just by being himself.
i love how he smiles all the time.
no matter what. hes always smiling. i wish i could do that.
i want to do that.

......

I haven't updated in a long time...and a lot of things are bothering me...so I decided to update today. I don't raelly know how to describe today...I guess I would call it a "bad day", but it was also a good day for some of it too? I'm not sure...So today I woke up and was all excited since I got my new glasses and I love them! Not just because I can see but because they are cool! =P And I went to school...and things just kind of went downhill from there...I had taken a math test a few days ago which I had a really iffy feeling about...which was right...because I pretty much failed it. =.= I mean...I'm really disappointed 'cause I knew it pretty well when I was doing my homework and on the practice test...I guess I just didn't study enough? Anyways...back to my story...so I was a bit down...but still happy...that is until lunchtime. The PSAT scores came in and I went to check my score...and it wasn't very good. It wasn't HORRIBLE or anything, but not up to my standards. So my day was just BLAH after that. And of course when I went home, I told my mom. And she wasn't MAD or anything just disappointed? And nagged me about studying more and all that good stuff. I was thinking about that anyways, so I was even more down I guess? After I got home...I practically FORCED myself to do my math homework even though I was really too depressed to do it...and in the middle of doing it...I was checking up on Asteria*/CYNOSTAR/Love FTI and found some bad news...T____________________T Hyesung of XING is leaving officially because of "personal problems". It's still a rumor...but the person who is replacing him from SINGING IN THE RAIN introduced himself as part of XING on a radio show that the rest of the XING members were on...so I guess it's true? This made me reallllllllllllyyyyyyyy depressed because I love all of XING and I like Hyesung's voice...it's interesting. And it's stupid that XING ENTERTAINMENT is replacing him. Because....THEY.CANT.REPLACE.HIM.EVER!!! seriously...he was like the foundation of XING since he usually sang like the lowest parts and I'll miss his powerful voice. And from what I know...he is like the life of XING too...hahhaa. I can tell from his CYWORLD entries...random guy. And I don't know..I'm just sad.....=( MAD. DISAPPOINTED. A LOT OF THINGS. That's all i got to say...