Wednesday, December 19, 2007

ok.
so i know i haven't told you guys what happened yet.
today...why i was mad. and hating myself.
it's actually quite simple.
i feel like a failure. i am a failure.
at life. at school. everything.
why do i feel that way...?
you all know i had my finals today...
and the one i needed to do good on...
well...it didn't go so well. =.=
yes. my math one.
i pretty much failed it...
and i thought 80-85% of it was really easy. XD WTE.
and i know i should've studied more.
but everything is so distracting. i know you guys don't mean to.
but everyone is a distraction to me. from school. from things i should be doing.
and i feel like a failure. because everytime i tell myself i need to work harder
i do for a little while. and completely forget about it or ignore it because of either
forums, dramas, XING/FT ISLAND/SUJU/TVXQ/ETC.
and now i'm stuck back in my hole again. and i don't know how to get out anymore.
yea i know i sound emo. i am EMO right now. =.=
for the 1000000000000000000000000000th time. i've failed at what i wanted to succeed in due to my laziness. stupidity. ignorance. whatever you want to call it.
and now i'm going to go eat my dinner. that's pretty much all.

oh...
and that stupid elfing MSN VIRUS
pisses me off.
because viruses are retarded and just mean.
what's the freaking purpose of it!? XD
and i hate how it sent to my friends...now some of them have it too. T_T

and why does my freaking windows manager things like my documents,my computer
always freeze when i'm trying to transfer things to my portable disk drive?!!?
i need it to work so that if my comp dies again...i'll still have my files.

wte. today is just not a good day.
but kevin made me happier. ^^ just by being himself.
i love how he smiles all the time.
no matter what. hes always smiling. i wish i could do that.
i want to do that.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

......

I haven't updated in a long time...and a lot of things are bothering me...so I decided to update today. I don't raelly know how to describe today...I guess I would call it a "bad day", but it was also a good day for some of it too? I'm not sure...So today I woke up and was all excited since I got my new glasses and I love them! Not just because I can see but because they are cool! =P And I went to school...and things just kind of went downhill from there...I had taken a math test a few days ago which I had a really iffy feeling about...which was right...because I pretty much failed it. =.= I mean...I'm really disappointed 'cause I knew it pretty well when I was doing my homework and on the practice test...I guess I just didn't study enough? Anyways...back to my story...so I was a bit down...but still happy...that is until lunchtime. The PSAT scores came in and I went to check my score...and it wasn't very good. It wasn't HORRIBLE or anything, but not up to my standards. So my day was just BLAH after that. And of course when I went home, I told my mom. And she wasn't MAD or anything just disappointed? And nagged me about studying more and all that good stuff. I was thinking about that anyways, so I was even more down I guess? After I got home...I practically FORCED myself to do my math homework even though I was really too depressed to do it...and in the middle of doing it...I was checking up on Asteria*/CYNOSTAR/Love FTI and found some bad news...T____________________T Hyesung of XING is leaving officially because of "personal problems". It's still a rumor...but the person who is replacing him from SINGING IN THE RAIN introduced himself as part of XING on a radio show that the rest of the XING members were on...so I guess it's true? This made me reallllllllllllyyyyyyyy depressed because I love all of XING and I like Hyesung's voice...it's interesting. And it's stupid that XING ENTERTAINMENT is replacing him. Because....THEY.CANT.REPLACE.HIM.EVER!!! seriously...he was like the foundation of XING since he usually sang like the lowest parts and I'll miss his powerful voice. And from what I know...he is like the life of XING too...hahhaa. I can tell from his CYWORLD entries...random guy. And I don't know..I'm just sad.....=( MAD. DISAPPOINTED. A LOT OF THINGS. That's all i got to say...

Sunday, October 14, 2007

colorgenics test.

ahaha. yea...i just randomly decided to do this colorgenics test thing again? just for fun...as always some is very accurate...some is just random. but o well. =D


At this particular time, you are feeling that you are or were unjustly and undeservedly treated and/or betrayed in your hopes and dreams. You feel that everything is against you. But look on the bright side for you are, whether you believe it or not, a survivor.

Always anxious to accept the role of the leader, as indeed you often work well with people - but try to stay out of the limelight. You'd like a life of ease with no one to rock the boat and someone who understands you is so important in your life.

At times one is burdened with more than one's fair share of problems and this would appear to be your situation at present. But you are adamant - you know what you wish to achieve - and by giving a little and taking a little you may well find that the realization of your dreams could become a reality.

Whatever has caused the situation, you just don't seem to be able to sustain or maintain relationships as you would wish to. What you really seek is to be able to develop a relationship with someone with whom you can truly share: Love, Serenity, Peace and Quiet. But you are a very demanding person and it is your nature that leads to disquiet and discord: you are like the tide, flotsam and jetsam... One minute you experience 'highs' and a few moments later 'lows'. This obviously will introduce discord into any relationship and with this demanding attitude - the ideal state you desire is unable to develop. Despite the urge to gratify your natural desires, you impose a considerable self-restraint on your instincts in the belief that this demonstrates your superiority and raises you above the common herd. You are extremely critical of everything that is presently going on around you and you find it difficult to listen to or to take advice from anyone. You enjoy the original, the ingenious and the subtle.

It is strange that the anxiety that you are experiencing at this time is of your own making simply because of your desire to be respected by your fellow man and with those whom you work with. You are not satisfied. The normal congenial 'you' is becoming quite introverted. This is becoming increasingly more obvious because you seem to shy away from participating in everyday activities. You are refusing to allow yourself to become involved or to participate with others and it is the reluctance to communicate that is the inherent cause of your problems.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Spazztic

I'm so tired. Yesterday I spent the whole day with 3 idiots and 1 girl friend. And all we did was game all day. They pretty much just played Guitar Hero the whole time, with a little DDR on the side. =.= And when they weren't doing that...they we're playing poker and betting every single thing you can think of. First it was stuff in my room, and then they started betting me and my friends, and then countries and sports. XD Idiots I tell you!! Even though they were well...idiots, I still had a lot of fun. ^^
And for the last 24 hours or so, I've been spazzing over the group XING (not you xing jie!=P) well...Kevin. ahaha. no surprise there? It's their fault!! They've recently done a lot of activites which means lots of pics of Kevin's kawaiiness. ^o^ Their new music video for Yoohak just came out yesterday and it's beautiful. (filmed in Ireland!) So i've been spazzing about that. If anyone wants to watch it, here's the link: http://youtube.com/watch?v=SxB10uJ2l30 . =D

And I never knew Yume and Hyesung we're that dorky too. Read the following cyworld entry:
b]hyesung
071010[/b]

HyeSung : It's salty isn't it?

Yume : It's small? [A/N these two words are quite similar in the Korean language, and you may find it difficult to get the humour.. But hope you get it anyway XD]

HS : No salty;;;

YM : Oh... You don't have enough?

HS : -_-;;; Nooo.... Isn't it salty?

YM : It's small??

HS : .......Salty?

YM : ................-_-;?

HS : THERE'S TOO MUCH SALT IN THIS!!!!!!!!!!!

YM : Ah~~!!! Salty kekeke?

HS : YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YM : (Takes a few spoonful) ................ (nods).........!


(Then we ate without saying anything.....)

..

..
.

.

.

.

YM : ........ were you trying to use a different Korean dialect?



HS:..............................................................................

.

.

.



HS : Then.. Did I use a different language ...-_-? kekeke


End of meal! After that our soups didn't have salt in them ..

Credits: CYWORLD + double_love123(translations) + CYNOSTAR.NET

Silly boys! =P

Monday, October 8, 2007

YAY!

It's finally fall break...and yet..WOW! IT'S ALREADY FALL BREAK?! Time seems to fly by so fast nowadays. If I don't pay attention, I may be 20 by the time I realize what's happening. ahaha. =P Not much is going on in my life. I'm just super excited for Secret Santa and for my new spiffy phone to arrive. urgh. hurry up mailman!! lol. =) For you unnis out there that like to read Po's random stuff, I have started a new fanfic, 1 chapter and prologue up on my fanfic blog. kekekeke. it's really random, trust me...XD

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

O_o;

You scored as itachi, You are Itachi. You killed you whole clan (exept your lil bro who you tortured...) you have been assigned to capture the Nine-Tails Jinchuuriki Naruto.


Tobi

67%

itachi

67%

Hidan

58%

Sasori

50%

Orochimaru

42%

(un named) the leader guy...

42%

Deidara

33%

kakuza

33%

Kisame

25%

Zetsu

25%

Which akatsuki member are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Life is good....I think...

It's been ages since I even signed onto blogger...o.O; 4 months and counting...ahaha. I guess I don't have problems as much as I use to, ne? ^^ Isn't that a good thing then? I don't know...last week was a complete disaster of a week...(well schoolweek at least). My teachers just randomly gave me 1-2 quizzes and 1-2 tests everyday with a 1-2 day advance and gave me an unreasonable amount of homework...I started getting lots of homework in classes I hadn't even had homework in the whole year! =( And I did bad on most of my tests and quizzes and I have a class that I don't even have a chance of getting an A at the end of the quarter...how stupid is that. T_T This year, I've been feeling like I'm getting stupider or I just can't think at all. Is there something wrong with me? =X I hope not...On a lighter note, Saturday was a very nice transition from the horrible week I had had...Homecoming was a blast, even though I didn't really dance most of the time, I had a lot of fun watching my friends be crazy. ^o^ It was kind of ackward though, even though I went with one of my best friends...I was rather uncomfortable with the fact that he kept on following me around when I wanted to be left alone. Not that I wasn't having fun...I just like to think and exclude myself from big groups. And no, I'm not anti-social either...The personality assessment I did...my highest score was in the social category...so yea. ahaha. =) Anyways, for those peoples that didn't see my pictures here they are:


Getting ready for the dance...=)


Before leaving...


Before leaving...(again)


My mom likes taking pics of me?


Me and Eli!(my bro)


My crazy hair..O_O;


More of my hair...


And more...


picture at the door...


picture at the door...(cont)


last picture at the door...


picture with eli...


another picture with eli...

last pic! ^^

Friday, May 4, 2007

Sad...=(

I'm getting rather drained mentally, emotionally, and physically lately...I feel like I'm going to faint all day and I feel as if my head will explode? To make matters worse, I have to raise up my grades and there's barely anytime left. I try and I try and yet...I still fail. Maybe I really am a failure? I usually don't let things get me down but this time, I'm just too tired to fight anymore. I'd rather just let everything engulf me than to keep on fighting. Though they don't mean to, everyone around me is pressuring me to excel in this or that, and I, I've just lost any will to try anymore. I just want to do good without fighting anymore, I don't have the energy or will to fight. Someone just please shoot me or something. Release me from this...suffocation. I am really at my wit's end...someone, anyone, help me please?

Saturday, April 28, 2007

^o^

Ahahaha. Bern, you were right...I was watching the NGs of Wuzun and Jiro today and it seems that TYZ was making them NG also. ahaha. must be karma or something. =)



Thursday, April 26, 2007

Dying...

I've been really stressed out and overwhelemed by school lately. My grades need to be raised up a lot, I need to practice a lot for PSG Auditions, plus stuff with Asteria. =.= GAH. Someone shoot me now. xD But I've calmed down a bit, this time thanks to VanNess! ^__^ I love his cute personality...He's my favorite ABC ever! =)



and his latest mv:


kakaka. why do his stylists/managers/producers always make him so scandalous?

Saturday, April 21, 2007

er....

gah. bern, you are a very bad influence on me! You made me watch hana kimi, tokyo juliet, and it started with a kiss. =.= which i all finished in 2 days each by the way...>.< and now Po es very obsessed with DA DUDE. RAWR! now me, you, and candee spazz over DA BOMB, DA DUDE, JAEJOONG, AND YUNHO all day...xD and bern watch this:

Online Videos by Veoh.com

Isn't he kawaii when he said that they live in the same house? =)

Friday, March 30, 2007

sigh...I HATE PEOPLE!!!

gah. I WAS having a relatively good day today...and then I don't know...now I'm mad and sad? I've come to the conclusion that I really HATE forums..and now i remember why I never joined them in the first place...geez. Such inconsiderate, ignorant, mean, rude people.=.=' Seriously, Asteria is the ONLY forum that has every been welcoming, nice, caring, etc. that i've seen. I got a PM saying " Hi. This your first PM warning.
You did not edit or did not edit with a reasonable post in your following posts. Please re-edit.
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
Please read the rules. " -_-' could they at least act like their nice??!? I mean on Asteria when people need to edit their posts...it's more like.."Hi. Sorry I had to delete your post on so and so thread because it was spam...^o^" You know what I mean?
It's not like the PMs are sent by robots, but actual people, actual feeling? I don't know. MAYBE I am overreacting. but I've been really sick and tired of people in general..I'm seriously about to slap people...>.< On lighter note, I'm really glad Bern, Hoi-san, and Sierra all passed preliminaries! Good luck guys! ^__^ GANBATTE!! ...I kinda wish i would pass too? Just so my day wouldn't end completely crappy...=.='

Thursday, March 29, 2007

^o^

Aww....XING is such a cute group~~~! ^___^

xD

I took a colorgenics test and this is what i got: some of it seems true...and yet some seems kinda random...=)

Enough is enough - you feel frustrated and rejected. You are fighting back and the going is tough. It would be just wonderful if you could be left in peace.

Being impulsive and irritable, your desires and needs are paramount. You do things with insufficient thought - with little regard to the consequences that may follow. As a consequence of this attitude, you may be experiencing stress and conflict.

You feel that you deserve far more than is being attributed to you, but there is no-one to whom you can turn to for sympathy and understanding. Your pent-up emotions and inherent egocentricity make you quick to take offence, but as matters stand you realise that you will have to make the best of things as they are.

You are pretending that the situation around you doesn't matter, but the effort of trying to conceal your emotions and anxieties is resulting in untold stress. The existing situation is disagreeable. You feel unwanted and lonely and you would really like to associate with someone whose ideals are as high as your own. You want to be above the standard of mediocrity and this need to be needed and that need to need has almost become an obsession. You are trying to magnify the need into a compelling urge. You would really like to tell the world how great you are but no, you are holding back because you feel that your peers may treat you with contempt. This is a great pity because you have in fact a unique quality of character, but the continual restraint that you impose on yourself makes you suppress this need for others and you pretend you don't really care. You treat those who criticise you with contempt. However, to be honest, beneath this assumption of indifference you really long for the approval and esteem of others.

The need for admiration and to be regarded as 'someone special' is perhaps one of the foremost aims in your life at this time. You would like to perhaps do something outrageous or anything that will give you the chance to be recognised as someone special. This desire has now almost become an obsession and in your own way you are trying to fulfil this 'complex' by ensuring you are the centre of attention, both at work or play, or in the home. Stop trying so hard and you will find that people will like you for who you are - not for who you are pretending to be.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Life is okay...

My life has been okay lately...nothing really going on...I finished my BBB Project yesterday and it's on Asteria...^o^ go look at it! and since I have no life, and bern tagged me...=.= i shall do this survey:

PART 1: ON THE OUTSIDE
Name : Po (phoebe)
Date of birth : January 16, 1992
Current status : girlfriend of Kyuzo..ahaha. i've claimed him..=D
Eye colour : dark brown/black
Hair Colour : black
Righty or lefty : Righty
Zodiac sign : Capricorn

PART 2: ON THE INSIDE
Your heritage : 100% Chinese
Your fear : NONE
Your weakness : noodles
Your perfect pizza : um..really cheesy, supreme

PART 3: YESTERDAY, TODAY & TOMORROW
Your thoughts first waking up : zzZZZzzz i want to sleep more...
Tomorrow : I will be presenting my project on Saudi Arabia
Your bedtime : 11:30 -12:30 am
Your most missed memory : green eggs and ham!

PART 4: YOUR PICK
Pepsi or coke : neither, but if forced to choose coke
Mc Donalds or burger king : Micky D's
Single or group dates : group
Adidas or nike : Adidas
Lipton tea or nestea : Nestea fo sho
Chocolate or vanilla : vanilla
Cappucino or coffee : neither...they both make me go crazy

PART 5: DO YOU...
Smoke : NOPE
Curse : nope

PART 6: IN THE PAST MONTH
Drank alcohol : no
Gone to the mall : yea
Been on stage : yes I have
Eaten sushi : nope...T__T
Dyed your hair: nope...

PART 7: WHAT WERE YOU DOING..
1 minute ago : filling this out
1 hour ago : at the library
4 1/2 hours ago : hating orchestra
1 month ago : school
1 year ago : obsessing over TVXQ/Shinhwa/Kangta/Gazette/Dir en Grey/Gackt

PART 8: FINISH THE SENTENCE
i love : bern..hahaha ^o^
i feel : like pinching XING's Kevin's cheeks...=)
i hate : spoiled brats
i hide : from everyone
i miss : my family
i need : TVXQ to read my messages on my BBB Project...

PART 9: TAG 5 PEOPLE
1. Hoi-san
2. Yingling
3. Feli-chan
4. Tresa unni...
5. Kristi...if she ever reads this...

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Freee!!...Ok, well sorta...xD (cont)

On lighter note, since Bern has recently been motivated to write her fanfics, I have been too. ^o^ I'm going to continue my fanfic and write out the fanfics that have been in my head. Be prepared to read my random weird stories. =) I'm going to create a blog for all my fanfics, so it'll be more organized. =D

Freee!!...Ok, well sorta...xD

I'm all done with my research paper. I just KNOW I got a bad grade on it. =.=' I didn't put much effort into it, so I guess I don't really care. xD As long as I still end up with an A at the end of the semester, I'll be ok. ^___^ About the projects...I've finally finished the 2nd Jib Project and it's mailed, but I doubt it will get to the one in charge of the project in time. Stupid mailmen left when I was going to mail it. So, it only got mailed today...T__T Good thing I made it nice and simple, if it was like my XING letter, I'd be thinking about it all day long. ....I'm still mad about that...-_-' I spent at least 5 hours doing the entire thing...I used my heart, mind and soul. hahaha. That's a nice song. ^o^ haha. ok...going back to what I was saying. The person in charge of the XING project never told me if she ever received it after the deadline or anything, so I've been pondering on it ever since I found out it didn't reach there in time. I sent it a week early when it was supposed to arrive in 4-6 days, and yet the person didn't receive it. I've come up with a gazillion different possibilities of why...1. Did I put the wrong address? 2. Did I not put enough stamps? 3. Did the one in charge not like it tear up into a million pieces? 4. Did the mailimen accidentally lose it? =( What's really confusing is that when mail is sent to wrong address, the postal service sends it back to the one who sent the mail in the first place. but it's been almost 2 months since I sent it....O.O; I just want to know where it is...can't I just be granted this one desire? >.<

Monday, March 19, 2007

T__T Mucho stressed out again...

Unfortunately, spring break is over. =.= I don't even consider it a break, I didn't get to rest or anything and I think I'm getting sick again. xD What a sucky life I have. I think I'll go jump off that cliff now. haha. just kidding. ^o^ I'm not suicidal...yet....Bah. Stupid school started again, and I already have BIG chapter tests in 3 of my classes. As if I'm not overworked already, not only do I have to finish my research paper that is impossible to concetrate on, but I have to catch up on all my Chinese homework, and do 2 projects. Urgh. I don't even want to talk about Chinese School. I wanted to work on my research paper instead of going, but my mom said i hadn't gone many times so she said I had to go at least for the 1st half of class. -_-' My teacher didn't even tell me last time I went to class for 1/2 the time that we we're going to have a test. So, I only knew half of the stuff on the test. Sheesh. Even though my Chinese was good enough for me to figure the last half, she should've at least told me....I completely freaked when she said we had a test. T__T Oh, and the two projects aren't for school. ^__^ One is the BBB Project in Asteria, that will reach TVXQ somehow and the other is the 2nd Jib Project for Shin Hyesung. =) I already know what I'm going to write...but I haven't had any time to even start on them. =.= hee hee. I'm also planning on doing the new project for XING member's birthday. And yes, I'm crazy doing so many projects at one time, but ever since the letter I wrote for the debuting project for XING failed to reach the one in charge of the project, I've been more determined than ever...AJA HWAITING GANBATTE!! to me and all my lovely friends. ^o^
P.S. Bern...O SMAP!!! =D