ok.
so i know i haven't told you guys what happened yet.
today...why i was mad. and hating myself.
it's actually quite simple.
i feel like a failure. i am a failure.
at life. at school. everything.
why do i feel that way...?
you all know i had my finals today...
and the one i needed to do good on...
well...it didn't go so well. =.=
yes. my math one.
i pretty much failed it...
and i thought 80-85% of it was really easy. XD WTE.
and i know i should've studied more.
but everything is so distracting. i know you guys don't mean to.
but everyone is a distraction to me. from school. from things i should be doing.
and i feel like a failure. because everytime i tell myself i need to work harder
i do for a little while. and completely forget about it or ignore it because of either
forums, dramas, XING/FT ISLAND/SUJU/TVXQ/ETC.
and now i'm stuck back in my hole again. and i don't know how to get out anymore.
yea i know i sound emo. i am EMO right now. =.=
for the 1000000000000000000000000000th time. i've failed at what i wanted to succeed in due to my laziness. stupidity. ignorance. whatever you want to call it.
and now i'm going to go eat my dinner. that's pretty much all.

oh...
and that stupid elfing MSN VIRUS
pisses me off.
because viruses are retarded and just mean.
what's the freaking purpose of it!? XD
and i hate how it sent to my friends...now some of them have it too. T_T

and why does my freaking windows manager things like my documents,my computer
always freeze when i'm trying to transfer things to my portable disk drive?!!?
i need it to work so that if my comp dies again...i'll still have my files.

wte. today is just not a good day.
but kevin made me happier. ^^ just by being himself.
i love how he smiles all the time.
no matter what. hes always smiling. i wish i could do that.
i want to do that.

......

I haven't updated in a long time...and a lot of things are bothering me...so I decided to update today. I don't raelly know how to describe today...I guess I would call it a "bad day", but it was also a good day for some of it too? I'm not sure...So today I woke up and was all excited since I got my new glasses and I love them! Not just because I can see but because they are cool! =P And I went to school...and things just kind of went downhill from there...I had taken a math test a few days ago which I had a really iffy feeling about...which was right...because I pretty much failed it. =.= I mean...I'm really disappointed 'cause I knew it pretty well when I was doing my homework and on the practice test...I guess I just didn't study enough? Anyways...back to my story...so I was a bit down...but still happy...that is until lunchtime. The PSAT scores came in and I went to check my score...and it wasn't very good. It wasn't HORRIBLE or anything, but not up to my standards. So my day was just BLAH after that. And of course when I went home, I told my mom. And she wasn't MAD or anything just disappointed? And nagged me about studying more and all that good stuff. I was thinking about that anyways, so I was even more down I guess? After I got home...I practically FORCED myself to do my math homework even though I was really too depressed to do it...and in the middle of doing it...I was checking up on Asteria*/CYNOSTAR/Love FTI and found some bad news...T____________________T Hyesung of XING is leaving officially because of "personal problems". It's still a rumor...but the person who is replacing him from SINGING IN THE RAIN introduced himself as part of XING on a radio show that the rest of the XING members were on...so I guess it's true? This made me reallllllllllllyyyyyyyy depressed because I love all of XING and I like Hyesung's voice...it's interesting. And it's stupid that XING ENTERTAINMENT is replacing him. Because....THEY.CANT.REPLACE.HIM.EVER!!! seriously...he was like the foundation of XING since he usually sang like the lowest parts and I'll miss his powerful voice. And from what I know...he is like the life of XING too...hahhaa. I can tell from his CYWORLD entries...random guy. And I don't know..I'm just sad.....=( MAD. DISAPPOINTED. A LOT OF THINGS. That's all i got to say...

colorgenics test.

ahaha. yea...i just randomly decided to do this colorgenics test thing again? just for fun...as always some is very accurate...some is just random. but o well. =D


At this particular time, you are feeling that you are or were unjustly and undeservedly treated and/or betrayed in your hopes and dreams. You feel that everything is against you. But look on the bright side for you are, whether you believe it or not, a survivor.

Always anxious to accept the role of the leader, as indeed you often work well with people - but try to stay out of the limelight. You'd like a life of ease with no one to rock the boat and someone who understands you is so important in your life.

At times one is burdened with more than one's fair share of problems and this would appear to be your situation at present. But you are adamant - you know what you wish to achieve - and by giving a little and taking a little you may well find that the realization of your dreams could become a reality.

Whatever has caused the situation, you just don't seem to be able to sustain or maintain relationships as you would wish to. What you really seek is to be able to develop a relationship with someone with whom you can truly share: Love, Serenity, Peace and Quiet. But you are a very demanding person and it is your nature that leads to disquiet and discord: you are like the tide, flotsam and jetsam... One minute you experience 'highs' and a few moments later 'lows'. This obviously will introduce discord into any relationship and with this demanding attitude - the ideal state you desire is unable to develop. Despite the urge to gratify your natural desires, you impose a considerable self-restraint on your instincts in the belief that this demonstrates your superiority and raises you above the common herd. You are extremely critical of everything that is presently going on around you and you find it difficult to listen to or to take advice from anyone. You enjoy the original, the ingenious and the subtle.

It is strange that the anxiety that you are experiencing at this time is of your own making simply because of your desire to be respected by your fellow man and with those whom you work with. You are not satisfied. The normal congenial 'you' is becoming quite introverted. This is becoming increasingly more obvious because you seem to shy away from participating in everyday activities. You are refusing to allow yourself to become involved or to participate with others and it is the reluctance to communicate that is the inherent cause of your problems.

Spazztic

I'm so tired. Yesterday I spent the whole day with 3 idiots and 1 girl friend. And all we did was game all day. They pretty much just played Guitar Hero the whole time, with a little DDR on the side. =.= And when they weren't doing that...they we're playing poker and betting every single thing you can think of. First it was stuff in my room, and then they started betting me and my friends, and then countries and sports. XD Idiots I tell you!! Even though they were well...idiots, I still had a lot of fun. ^^
And for the last 24 hours or so, I've been spazzing over the group XING (not you xing jie!=P) well...Kevin. ahaha. no surprise there? It's their fault!! They've recently done a lot of activites which means lots of pics of Kevin's kawaiiness. ^o^ Their new music video for Yoohak just came out yesterday and it's beautiful. (filmed in Ireland!) So i've been spazzing about that. If anyone wants to watch it, here's the link: http://youtube.com/watch?v=SxB10uJ2l30 . =D

And I never knew Yume and Hyesung we're that dorky too. Read the following cyworld entry:
b]hyesung
071010[/b]

HyeSung : It's salty isn't it?

Yume : It's small? [A/N these two words are quite similar in the Korean language, and you may find it difficult to get the humour.. But hope you get it anyway XD]

HS : No salty;;;

YM : Oh... You don't have enough?

HS : -_-;;; Nooo.... Isn't it salty?

YM : It's small??

HS : .......Salty?

YM : ................-_-;?

HS : THERE'S TOO MUCH SALT IN THIS!!!!!!!!!!!

YM : Ah~~!!! Salty kekeke?

HS : YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YM : (Takes a few spoonful) ................ (nods).........!


(Then we ate without saying anything.....)

..

..
.

.

.

.

YM : ........ were you trying to use a different Korean dialect?



HS:..............................................................................

.

.

.



HS : Then.. Did I use a different language ...-_-? kekeke


End of meal! After that our soups didn't have salt in them ..

Credits: CYWORLD + double_love123(translations) + CYNOSTAR.NET

Silly boys! =P

YAY!

It's finally fall break...and yet..WOW! IT'S ALREADY FALL BREAK?! Time seems to fly by so fast nowadays. If I don't pay attention, I may be 20 by the time I realize what's happening. ahaha. =P Not much is going on in my life. I'm just super excited for Secret Santa and for my new spiffy phone to arrive. urgh. hurry up mailman!! lol. =) For you unnis out there that like to read Po's random stuff, I have started a new fanfic, 1 chapter and prologue up on my fanfic blog. kekekeke. it's really random, trust me...XD

O_o;

You scored as itachi, You are Itachi. You killed you whole clan (exept your lil bro who you tortured...) you have been assigned to capture the Nine-Tails Jinchuuriki Naruto. Tobi 67% itachi 67% Hidan 58% Sasori 50% Orochimaru 42% (un named) the leader guy... 42% Deidara 33% kakuza 33% Kisame 25% Zetsu 25% Which akatsuki member are you? created with QuizFarm.com

Life is good....I think...

It's been ages since I even signed onto blogger...o.O; 4 months and counting...ahaha. I guess I don't have problems as much as I use to, ne? ^^ Isn't that a good thing then? I don't know...last week was a complete disaster of a week...(well schoolweek at least). My teachers just randomly gave me 1-2 quizzes and 1-2 tests everyday with a 1-2 day advance and gave me an unreasonable amount of homework...I started getting lots of homework in classes I hadn't even had homework in the whole year! =( And I did bad on most of my tests and quizzes and I have a class that I don't even have a chance of getting an A at the end of the quarter...how stupid is that. T_T This year, I've been feeling like I'm getting stupider or I just can't think at all. Is there something wrong with me? =X I hope not...On a lighter note, Saturday was a very nice transition from the horrible week I had had...Homecoming was a blast, even though I didn't really dance most of the time, I had a lot of fun watching my friends be crazy. ^o^ It was kind of ackward though, even though I went with one of my best friends...I was rather uncomfortable with the fact that he kept on following me around when I wanted to be left alone. Not that I wasn't having fun...I just like to think and exclude myself from big groups. And no, I'm not anti-social either...The personality assessment I did...my highest score was in the social category...so yea. ahaha. =) Anyways, for those peoples that didn't see my pictures here they are:


Getting ready for the dance...=)


Before leaving...


Before leaving...(again)


My mom likes taking pics of me?


Me and Eli!(my bro)


My crazy hair..O_O;


More of my hair...


And more...


picture at the door...


picture at the door...(cont)


last picture at the door...


picture with eli...


another picture with eli...

last pic! ^^